Helpless ://

I've come to know a lot of people through ministering. And it really helps me a lot to build up my confidence to face different people, aside from the fact that I'm doing those because I'm in love with God.
Anyway, that's not what Im going to say. :))

Last Saturday, I've attended a seminar-workshop for debriefing people whose in fear, doubt, guilt, depressed, traumatized and in suicidal tendency. I thought at first it was going to be a fun moment because it's where my heart really lies. But then again, as the doctor tackled about many things I've come to realized it was a hard event. And a question suddenly popped into my mind, "Can i endure doing this to people whom i barely know?"
But, i stand firm with my decision to go and help those who are in need. and so, my journey begins.

As the team traveled around the area of the said place who's in calamity, i feel so depressed and the fear has been en gulping me. But then, should i moved back? And so, i stepped forward and meet my fate.

I talked to one family whose house was troubled. their house way back, was great. but, in just a snapped of a finger, everything went black. And so as their hope. everything changes and went into pieces. they don't know how to start and kick back their life.
But i believe that, all is well when you put everything into the hands of our God. :)))

Happy New Year to you my buggie~
How have you 'been? it's been what since i last saw you? Anyhow, I really missed you, you know.

2012 has come and yet my mind is still drifting from apart. I know it's not good that I'm still reminiscing what I have been lost, but it hurts. :((
Supposed to be, my books would be soon published any moments in 2012, but unfortunately due to some issues in my life, I backed out. I know it's weird that sometime around the year where i can reach the part of my victory, I denied myself from happiness. Though I'm happy for the decisions that I've made, still there's a part of me that's saying Ï shouldn't have given up". Oh well, God has it's purpose and reason why.

Anyway, that's all for now. I hope you're okay çause so do I. :))

Freaky lickin' LIKE :P

expecientt the unexpected really comes in your way once in a full month bloom. And it shattered every pieces of me when i realized all the way through it.
oh well, it's not something that can be shocked of, but then, there are things that meant not to happen. and, while you're looking at it, you'll catch the term 'starstruck' when it hit you.

it's kinda freaky knowing your "kuya" will like you. not as a little kid but a woman and has been liking you ages ago. but what most shocking is the fact that, once in his life he really like you- come hell and high water.

there are too many explanations why it did happen, but there would be no sufficient answer when you ask him 'why'. and that is the sole reason why there would be a positive feelings towards another person but you ought to hold it to yourself because of the NO-NO's.

when i really first heard about it, i laughed due to it's 'exaggeration' feeling that has thrown over me. but when i  heard him saying about what he really feels toward about it, man! i was left without words but to smile and act like it's okay. i guess, it was never easy to tell someone how deep your feelings it. as the way he quoted it from his text "action speaks louder than words" and he prefers it to be that way. somehow, it makes me feel nervous at the same time feel thrilled and honored. it's not everyday that someone will confess his feelings for you and how strong it has become.

Though i know what are his capabilities in life, still i know it's wrong when i let my feelings turn over me. i guess, that would be okay as for now. let God do his own magic within the pressures of our life. :))

but then again, if given the chance, i will not let it happen. it's better to stay this way. :))

Fourth year Perseverance

Nazario, Redel, Christian, Charles, Jake, Bobby, Adrian, Rodel, Aljhon, Eric, Erwin, Merjun, Jully Mae, Marity, Marichu, Nika, Kathleen, Elenita, Kenneth, Marby, Rose Mae Joy, Anna May, Lovely, Patrice, Queenie, Cindy, John, Brenda, April, Leean, Regine, Elsa, Hasmin

 

 

 

Do you miss being High School? Me? I don't miss high school. what i've missed are the people whose with me when i was still in junior school. :))

Funny when we're still 1st year, two sections competing with each other, not knowing we'd unite as one for all for one. Even though we have so many differences, we still mingle with the likes of us. All of these people treasured memories that no one can conquered. we've been lots of troubled. we lose some. we win some. but then, those are just adding some spice throughout our life. the best thing that happened was, when we caught glimpse at each other, friendship blooms.

As the years passes by, it grew much stronger. Fights are everywhere, like cat and camelion, pride are starting to rise up. Without those fights, the friendship must have been strangled. :P

 THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN

We hardly shared a glance
To greet and know each other
And now the time is up
The band is packing up

We'll find another chance
To meet again together
And fill each other's cup
I feel like breaking up

It's this time that almost
Always makes me cry
Before we say goodbye
I want to let you know I love you...

Thank you for playing my music
And thank you for singing my song
Thank you for sharing a moment
'Cause with you I feel I really belong

Thank you for keeping me company
And thank you for being my friend
And if our paths should cross somewhere someday
I'd love to sing this song again

I pray the Lord our God
Richly bless and keep you
Together let us call
And thank Him most of all

Somehow I'm feeling sad
I know I'm gonna miss you
I know I will recall
This warm and cozy hall

Still there's one more thing
Before the day is done
Before the lights are gone
Before the curtain closes, let me...

Thank you for playing my music
And thank you for singing my song
Thank you for sharing a moment
'Cause with you I feel I really belong

Thank you for keeping me company
And thank you for being my friend
And if our paths should cross someday
Then I'd really be glad, yes I'll really be glad,
I'd like to THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN

These lyrics are not available for printing.

left hanging :/

do you know that i still can't understand myself much? funny isn't it? but, it's kinda true. *sigh* i have lots of personalities that others doesn't really know. first is, they don't care for me at all, they don't even ask if i'm alright or feeling sick or getting well.
i can be a bitch, a pauper, a princess, a psycho, an actress, but most of all, i'm an idiot and a DORK. :))

 Since he left, i haven't changes at all, i become more aloof of my feelings on what i feel back then. instead of giving people some thoughts that i'm not happy, i became vibrant then. maybe, they sees me as, i'm happy that he died 'cause i'll be getting attention that i'd seek. truth is, i haven't get what i wanted. oh! i had studied in a school way too expensive for us, though scholar it is, parents are not really troubled. quoted from what my cousin say's way back. 

"it's not as expensive as what you've thought, the tuition can be credited"

 i am no seeker of  love. it's just that, when mama finds me annoying, she'll threw hurt words at me. and those words keep taunting me. and every time 'twould recalled, tears would pooled out from my eyes. i can't stop myself but be bitter. and question myself. "Am i too lowly for a child?"
I can't even answer that.

then, deep inside, i kinda managed to console myself. but really, i'm hurt.

i don't know when is the time that all pains will be healed. it's true to forgive but not forget.

like a double edge sword, it hurts :((

Since time immemorial, I've been dreading the day would come to us, like date.
And it happened. last time. it was kind of fun-for them. not me.
why?
Because it just so happens that he's with me with his girl. jeez! it hurts 'ya know?!
i couldn't help myself but posed a poker-face. what the!

anyhow, when we're strolling around the mall, and 'been listening and watching them intently, i find his girl a bit irritating. my God! She's a good ****** actress! i don't like the way her eye rolls, she pouted her lips and make-a-face, and most of all, the way she talks like a real bitch. uh-uh!
i'm bad! but, i won't become a miss]-goody-two-shoes to impress her further. I've done enough to make her feel belonged. tsssk! Oh! i forgot, i also don't like her timid-ways like she needed to be pursued in every decision she has to do. what is she?! a kid? duh!
And i'll retrieve what i'd comment on her, she's not pretty!

Ayun, pagkatapos naming mag-stroll and goof around the area. We decided to sing a few songs. Eh, OA nga siya, 'di man lang nag-exert ng effort lumabas para mamili ng kanta, talagang sinubukan pa ang prowess ko kung hihingin ko ang napili niya. hooooooooooooo!
pero dahil nga, mabait naman ako at poker-faced, i silently agreed with her antics. hindi naman po kasi bitch in front of everybody. *sigh*
nagsisisi lang ako kung bakit ginawa ko ang mga katangahang yun. *laughs*

and there, inalis ko lahat ng negative energy na naipon sa loob ng katawan ko by singing with my hearts content. fishtea lang talaga, bakit kelangang maging sweet sila sa harapan ko?
pwedeng lumayo muna kayo?! wag kayong hahara-hara sa paningin ko, baka makapatay ako ng wala sa oras. at oo, kaya 'kong indahin na kayo na, wag lang ipangalandakan at baka 'di ako makatiis! *evil laugh*

nakakatakot pala ako, ngayon ko lang din nalaman.

Nothing's Gonna Stop ME

love on chart

Love sometimes between two person, doesn't blend

Hello there my friend! It's been a hell of a week for me. *sigh*
Know what? I really am amazed to personality, know why? Because at first, I'm maybe a timid, next, i'll become a hyper, and feel like I'm not a coward. That i can be able to survive any hardships that would come in my life. But, I thought wrong. I'm a coward. Really coward. Instead of facing my problem, i'm running like a free child. i can't stand on my two feet to face those trials.

It may be a love or work problem. Why can't i just scream and tell the world that i'm not really strong? that i really need someone whom i can depend with. that i need a shoulder to lean on in times of crisis. It's hard to accept, i may have lots of friends but i don't have someone who'll come running and asks what's my problem. Oh! they would support me eventually. But that's not the point. I'm craving for someone who'll gonna listen to my antics and never get laugh. who'll pat my back and say it's okay and don't worry.

It's like love. I can't remember how this feelings turns to love. all i know is, when i'm with him, i fall apart. hard. Is that wrong? to feel other things towards your friend. and others would tease you, till you're blue, yet, you couldn't say "yes" 'cause you're afraid he'll gonna reject you.

He may laugh when someone's teasing. but i know he's pissed. aaaaa! what to do. And i think he's serious now with his recent girlfriend. every time i hear him saying her name, there's always a tinge of jealousy inside. i wanna scream right onto his face to stop what's his saying. but, how could i? he's happy. i could see it in his eyes. and reality would struct and slap me. we're not just meant to be.

he loves me, no doubt. As a friend.

i love him, no doubt. As a woman towards a man.

how lucky can i get? Should i treasure this feeling or forget i have a thing for him? I don't know what to do. it's becoming a habit of me to have a poker face when he'd start mentioning his girl friend. *grrrrr*

goodness!